


Hours

by SamanthaM_M



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-16 19:35:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3500327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamanthaM_M/pseuds/SamanthaM_M
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tenzo can´t stand the silence dividing him and Kakashi no more</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He woke up to a breeze of cold air coming from open bedroom door. He turned around to tell Kakashi to close the door, but the man was not there. Sleepy and puzzled, Tenzo got out of the bed and looked for Kakashi in bathroom and kitchen. Both rooms were empty. There was no sign of his lover at all. Again. 

He sat at the kitchen table in silence, staring at the watch hanging on the wall above. The ticking noise was loud in otherwise quiet room, but he paid it no mind. Kakashi left, just as he always did. It really shouldn´t have surprised him, yet it still installed sadness in him. Tenzo loved Kakashi, he was sure about it. He craved his attention, his body, his kisses and touches and Kakashi gave it to him, but even with his mask down, he couldn´t reach Kakashi any better. Being with Kakashi felt to him like sleeping with some emotionless and voiceless wraith. Yes, he was very real and there at night, when they had sex, but he was gone with the first morning light. They never spoke about it, actually, no words were said even during their coupling. 

Recently, Tenzo felt weirdly cold and detached, like his mind and soul didn´t belong to his body. But the throbbing pain in his left temple was ever present and it didn´t seem to leave him anytime soon. He did his job alright, but his world was strangely cut in two – one where he and Kakashi were together and didn´t speak and the other one where they did speak, but were distant to each other. It was a riddle and he simply couldn´t work it out. 

Hours have passed. Suddenly, he stood up, like he made some decision. Tenzo took out the kitchen knife and pressed it against thin skin on his wrist in a hazy hope it would make the pain finally go away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi made a mistake, a big one

Kakashi felt uncomfortable under the heavy weight of his students´ glances. He might have blushed, even though he repeated to himself he had absolutely no reason to. It was not his fault captain Yamato was late for their training. He spent the night with the man, alright, but that was all. Nothing more to it. That was why he couldn´t understand the rising anxiety in his chest.  
“Okay, I´ll go get him. It´s not like him to be late, anyway,” he gave up after Naruto stared nastily at him for good ten minutes. Kakashi got up with a resigned sigh and headed back to Konoha. 

Kakashi´s steps were light and easy as he walked down the street in district where Tenzo lived. Apart from that uneasy feeling that was creeping on him since dawn, when he left the other man, he felt good. Not good, great. He and Tenzo had sex last night and very passionate one, to be accurate. He didn´t notice anything weird about Tenzo, so he didn´t worry at all. Kakashi was surprised when Tenzo invited him over for dinner at his place, but he couldn´t be happier with the result. They used to be close once and he somehow missed their shared intimate moments. Still, Kakashi simply took the invitation as a spark from a long dead fire and an opportunity to satisfy his carnal needs. He believed they were both over it and walked on different paths in their lives. 

The door was left unlocked. Kakashi frowned. It wasn´t like Tenzo to be carefree. But then again, he could have slept in and still be inside his apartment, Kakashi thought. 

Those jitters in his stomach grew more and more as he approached kitchen at the other end of the apartment. Bedroom was empty and bed sheets were still messy from their lovemaking. Kakashi opened the door and a dark wave of confusion and pain washed over him. He saw the blood stained kitchen knife and his entire world dissolved in a bitter bile rising up his throat. 

In the corner on the floor, there was Tenzo. Half naked, shirtless, dressed only in his sweatpants, lying on the linoleum in slowly growing pool of his own blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Girls, I love you :) thank you for support and inspiration


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenzo fights, Kakashi runs

Tenzo´s mind was blissfully blank. The cut wounds on his wrists didn´t hurt as much as he feared and he felt peculiarly content. He was floating and his vision blurred. Warm was spreading all over his body, which was hard to understand, since he was losing big amounts of blood and quickly so. He cut deep indeed.  
Tenzo wasn´t thinking about Kakashi. The only though left in his mind was that the annoying pain was gone. And he was happy with that. 

Kakashi was famous for his ability to think straight in any situation that could happen to professional shinobi. He was known as coldhearted, coldblooded killer, who could execute any order without as much as a blink of an eye. He knew what to do in every situation he could possibly find himself in… but not then. 

He stared in horror as life faded from Tenzo´s face. He couldn´t tear his eyes away and yet he couldn´t move. Never in his life had he felt so helpless and weak. After precious minutes lost, he dropped to his knees and grabbed Tenzo. His body was getting cold and he was extremely pale, but Kakashi still could see his chest hardly moving. So he was still alive, there was still some time. Finally, his trained instincts of an ANBU captain kicked in. He snatched a dishcloth from a table and pressed it on Tenzo´s wounds to stop or at least slow the bleeding. Then he run into bedroom and came back with a thick blanket. With Tenzo safely wrapped in it, he took him into his arms and run. Run for his life. And while he was running, he prayed for his lover and kouhai to make it alive. 

It was probably some new Konoha´s record, but Kakashi could barely care. He reached the hospital in practically no time and there he left bleeding and almost lifeless Tenzo in med nins care. They looked rather shocked at the sight of him. He was covered in blood that was not his, his hair was damp and he was panting with pain. His legs and arms burnt from the mindless run, so he just sat by the wall in entrance hall and closed his tired eyes. Kakashi didn´t even have time to calm down, when he heard a familiar cough. He looked up into Tsunade´s questioning eyes and he instantly knew he was in big trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it - I´m done for this night!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi´s in a denial

Kakashi stubbornly stared at his hands and refused to look up. Tsunade hasn´t returned yet, so he had some time to make up what to say to her. But how could he explain such an absurd situation? Tenzo seemed so…. Well, he didn´t seem different than any other time they did what they did. His kisses didn´t feel any different, his moans were the same. What the hell did go wrong then?

Doors to Hokage´s office creaked slightly as Tsunade entered and Kakashi lifted his head. He still had no idea how to explain himself. There was only one thing he was sure about – he had nothing to do with what happened to Tenzo. 

“What happened?” Tsunade´s voice was raspy and it sounded like she had trouble to talk properly.  
“How is he?” Kakashi asked, not because he particularly cared about Tenzo, but because he felt it was appropriate thing to do at the moment.  
“We stopped the bleeding, but he´s unconscious. God know if he wakes up at all.”  
Tsunade sighed and fell into chair behind her desk. None of them spoke for a while.

“I just found him like that,” started Kakashi, who felt sudden urge to speak up. “He was late so I went to check up on him and I just found him lying on the kitchen floor, covered in his own blood….” His voice broke down as if he just realized the gravity of his own words. What if Tenzo really died? Could Kakashi imagine living a world without him?

“You were close to him, you might have noticed something bothering him.” Tsunade continued cautiously. Maybe she noticed the horror that appeared in Kakashi´s eyes.  
“I know it must be hard for you, Kakashi… but I need to know why he did what he did to be able to help him.”  
“Sorry, Hokage-sama, I don´t know of anything, that could help you. Sorry.”  
With those words, Kakashi stood up, ready to leave. Before he left the office, one memory resurfaced in his mind – Tenzo, snuggled close to his side as Kakashi pushed him away, leaving him alone in his cold bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darlings, I haven´t written a single essay to school, but I wrote this for you!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi remembers

Tenzo opened his eyes. He knew something was wrong right away. The pain. That torturing, horrifying pain was still there, burnt in his cranium. He gasped for air, for it was so terrible and paralyzing he couldn´t breathe. Trying to analyze his surroundings in panic, his eyes searched the room. White walls and familiar scent of disinfection. Hospital, I´m in hospital, the thought in despair as he drifted back to bliss of unconsciousness.

“Where´s captain Yamato? Is he sick? Why isn´t he training with us today?”  
Kakashi fought the urge to punch his student. The persistent headache that started when he found Tenzo lying on the floor in his apartment was getting worse and worse with every hour passed. Tsunade gave him strict order not to tell anyone about Tenzo´s current condition to protect the man´s privacy, but he was left with nothing to say to Naruto.   
“He had another urgent duty,” was all the said to curious boy. “Now, let´s get going.”

In the evening, Naruto finally left home and Kakashi felt relieved. His blunt explanation didn´t stop Naruto from asking him detailed questions about his other sensei all day long and it was tiring to make up excuses and divert boy´s attention. For the first time in ages Kakashi felt like he hated his job as jonin leader. After returning to his own place and showering, he tried to read his favorite book. He loved Icha Icha, but he couldn´t concentrate on it. Kakashi´s thoughts wandered back to Tenzo. 

It was not a pleasant memory. Seeing Tenzo in that state took him back to the day when he found his father in the exactly same position. Curled up on the floor, covered in blood… but his kohai was still alive, so Kakashi chased the recollection away. Still, he would not forgive Tenzo for what he did, for bringing Kakashi back to those painful days of his youth. Lying on his back, staring into ceiling in darkened room, he thought about reasons that brought Tenzo to such desperate deed. Kakashi himself often felt miserably, but he would never stoop so low as to try to take his own life and he deeply loathed those who were too weak to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, feel free to comment and express your wishes about how the story should go on


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsunade reveals devastating facts to Kakashi

Scream. All he could hear was somebody screaming. Little boy with long locks of brown chestnut hair and wide, innocent eyes. He was the one screaming, staring at Kakashi, who run towards him, wanted to help him, take out the kunai that was sticking out of his stomach….

Kakashi woke up, his forehead covered in sweat. In fact, he was sweating all over, his hair damp and bed sheets drenched. This particular nightmare was haunting him over and over for past few days, leaving him depleted and worn out. With a deep sigh he got up and pulled the wet bed sheets down for the third time that week.   
Kakashi was very well aware what his dreams meant, yet he stubbornly refused to acknowledge that. He worried about Tenzo and it bothered him. Tsunade visited him again and told him his former comrade was conscious. She didn´t try to talk him into visiting Tenzo and Kakashi was secretly grateful for that. He didn´t know how he felt about the man. What was even worse, other shinobi from Konoha started asking about Tenzo and with a sinking stomach he realized that he and Tsunade were the only ones who knew that Tenzo was in fact not on a secret dangerous S-ranked mission. He was in that one wing of the hospital, which Kakashi found repulsive and did not want to think about.   
Kakashi lay back on the bed, forcing himself not to think about what his dreams were trying to tell him.

“You don´t look very good.”  
“Haven´t been sleeping well lately.”  
Once again Kakashi was seated in Hokage´s office, facing Tsunade. She was observing him with unusual worry in her eyes. He even noticed small wrinkles around her lips and he wasn´t sure if they had been there before. Sure, Tsunade wasn´t among the youngest ones, but it also showed how deeply she cared about all her subordinates.  
“I need to discuss things concerning Yamato with you, Kakashi,” stated Tsunade.   
“Tenzo,” Kakashi interrupted her.  
“What?”  
“Yamato is just a codename. His real name is Tenzo.”   
Kakashi couldn´t believe the words flowing from his mouth. He did not want to get involved in this matter, but he showed interest anyway. His brows furrowed at the thought.   
“He suffered a massive blood loss, he is stabilized now though. The problem with Tenzo is…”  
The intensity in Tsunade´s eyes when she looked at him, scared Kakashi.   
“The cut wounds on his wrists went too deep. He suffered major neural damage. He might never be able to use Mokuton again, or any other jutsu at all to be clear.”   
Silence fell between two of them after that sentence and Kakashi froze to his bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Line up if you want to viciously murder me after this chapter


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Certain things, you cannot run from

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry girls that this chapter is out late. I will make it up to you

He terribly needed to get drunk. That was just one of many thoughts that crossed Kakashi´s mind as he absentmindedly stumbled home. His brain still refused to proceed Tsunade´s words. Tenzo, his Tenzo without his Mokuton, the only thing he prided himself for, what made him unique. Not only that, he wouldn´t be able to perform any other jutsu anymore and his days as shinobi would be over. Kakashi couldn´t imagine Tenzo doing something else. He never knew any other life apart from the one in Root and ANBU Black Ops.

Kakashi dragged his ass home and flopped right on the bed. The growling in his stomach was persistent, but he ignored it. He wasn´t much of a drinker, but right then he needed to feel numb. Whatever he did, wherever he looked, he saw image of Tenzo floating in front of his eyes. This time it wasn´t picture of dying Tenzo – he saw him as young boy again, with happy smile on his face. Those images hurt Kakashi so much. He snapped out of his grim thoughts and mentally berated himself for over-worrying for Tenzo. His kohai was strong and could manage and Kakashi definitely didn´t want to be the one mourning over his loss. 

Yet, Kakashi still tossed on the bed. All his memories of Tenzo united into one and did not want to leave him alone. He didn´t even have the energy to get up and have a drink he initially intended to. There was this feeling that held onto him and he couldn´t shake it off, no matter how hard he tried not to feel. His palms were cold and forehead sweaty, his throat dry and his limbs flaccid. His entrails moved and muscles twitched as if his own body wanted to remind him of something he suppressed so deep he almost forgot about it. He never felt that emotion before. So it took several hours for Kakashi, who lay curled up on unmade bed, to realize what it was.

“I love him,” he said through cracked lips as sudden wave of confusion, relief and warmth washed over him in one heartbeat.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shouldn´t have waited for so long

Several weeks passed before Kakashi plucked up the courage to visit Tenzo. The situation he found himself in was new to him and he didn´t know what to say to his friend. He wanted to apologize for ignoring and bullying him all those years. They were lovers, for god´s sake, so Tenzo deserved his attention, but he was too blind to see it at the time. On the other hand, he felt guilty, because now he was sure that it was his indifference that hurt Tenzo so much. Plus, he didn´t know how to start their supposed conversation. He couldn´t just burst into the room and yell out “I love you!” Clueless and not willing to go and actually ask someone for advice, Kakashi struggled, until he figured out what he wanted to say. 

Tiny bit scared, Kakashi stood in front of doors of Tenzo´s apartment. They told him at hospital he was already released and he took it as a good sing Tenzo was in good shape again. He felt butterflies in his stomach again, when he raised his hand to knock on the wood. He heard a distant “come in” from somewhere further in the apartment and hesitatingly walked in. It was a really small place, only one room and kitchenette where barely one person could stand by a stove. 

As Kakashi entered, he immediately noticed something disturbing. Big boxes full of books and ninja gear were lying all around the floor as if somebody hastily packed them.  
“Tenzo,” he said slowly, when he entered the bedroom.  
Tenzo, crouched over a half-full box, looked up at him and froze. Kakashi saw pain in his eyes and guilt and embarrassment flooded him again. He wanted nothing else that to hold the man and tell him he cared and everything was going to be alright. Even though it didn´t look like it was because of the state of things in the apartment.  
“Well, I´m packing my stuff, as you can clearly see” said Tenzo after prolonged period of awkward silence.  
“What for?” Kakashi asked and that uneasy feeling from when he found Tenzo lying on the floor returned once again.  
Tenzo looked him in the eye again, but this time Kakashi saw no pain, only pure determination and raw genuineness.  
“Because I´m leaving the village.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt bad, so I wrote another piece for you today


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is missing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shouldn´t have written this and I will regret it in few day´s time, but for now it´s enough

Kakashi´s head was still spinning, even as he sat down at the kitchen table. It was a tiring day and even though it seemed incredibly long, he couldn´t remember how his hours had passed. He recalled filling up some mission reports, receiving details about another mission he was supposed to go on in two days, talking to Naruto…but something was missing. This was happening to him on daily basis lately. Kakashi got home after work without even realizing what his body was doing all day. He ate and slept alright, but he felt like he wasn´t there, speaking only when he was spoken to. If there was somebody close enough to him to care, they would have been disturbed by the sight of Kakashi without his trademark book. But he stopped carrying his porn around altogether and no one noticed.   
Kakashi rubbed his temples and got up to make himself some dinner. It´s been quite some time since he ate out. Not since Tenzo left, he thought while cutting an eggplant. 

“I want you to leave now. I need to finish this.” Those were the last words he heard from his former lover, comrade and friend, before they parted.   
Their conversation that day was short and rather unemotional on Tenzo´s side. He calmly informed Kakashi about his plans. There was no heartbreaking apologizing and reassuring words of love. Tenzo didn´t even mention his incapability to perform jutsu anymore. Kakashi wanted to apologize. He really did. He knew he was an asshole, a dickhead and that he was the main reason why Tenzo´s entire life was ruined, but he wasn´t given a chance to express how much sorry he was. Because after short and harsh explanation, Tenzo asked him to leave. And Kakashi, although he knew he was going to regret it for the rest of his life, did.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a bad moment when I wrote this... sorry for any inconvenient consequences caused.


End file.
